Walking That Thin Line

     In a previous post, I talked about my goals for the year.  I mentioned that I was going to write a poem for every week this year.  I'm one poem behind, but I'm not too stressed about it.  Some days/weeks just aren't very creative.  I am pretty sure that I try too hard sometimes.  I think that some days I just need to walk away and forget what I'm trying to do.  Eventually I'll get back to it, but then I feel like I'm procrastinating.  Internal struggles are just so much fun.  Everyone has them.  Some are epic, others not so much.  Man against God, Man against the world, Man against himself, sticks in my head.  I have no idea where I heard it.  Philosophy or Theology class maybe.  It sums up any struggle that a person can have. Most of mine are with myself.  Usually the world is not against me, even though I feel that way sometimes.  That is called paranoia.  I've been taught that God is never against me, so I think the struggle would be mostly on my end.  That's called faith. The struggle with myself is constant.  It seems that I am always arguing with myself about something.  Getting up in the morning is one of my biggest struggles.  It is a good thing that I have to get up for work or I would probably sleep all day.

     Since I started writing, I am a little more motivated to get out of bed.  I think that I may be addicted to writing and reading.  I've read of other writers who feel that way too.  Those of us who have a family, a full time job, and a million other things going on, feel guilty when we take time for ourselves.  In some cases we are made to feel guilty by those around us who need or want something from us.  Sometimes these people don't even realize that they are being unnecessarily needy or that they are making us feel guilty.  And sometimes, we get lost in our writing and need to remember that we have families and jobs and a million other things that need our attention.  It's a thin line to walk.  It is also a really good way to create inner struggle and, for that matter, outer struggle.  How you deal with these struggles makes you who you are.  Do you run and hide,  give up on yourself or others, or work even harder to accomplish everything and stay balanced?  Oh boy, just thinking about it makes my head hurt.  The laundry and the dishes are piled up to the ceiling.  The floors are covered with dog and cat hair, feathers, and whatever was on the bottom of my husband's boots.  All the garbage cans are full, no one's taken care of recyclables for at least a week, the cupboards and fridge are empty, and when in the hell am I going to get to take a shower?  Wait, the kids need to go where?  We've all been there and worse.  Somehow we live through it to struggle another day.  Stay positive and remember to breathe.