Another Fear

     Welcome to Phobia Phriday.  I am full of fears, who isn't?  Some people are better at hiding them than others. Just about everyone, who knows me, knows that I'm afraid of frogs, but my fear of public speaking doesn't come up very often.  It's a pretty common fear though. How do I deal with it?  I am not a celebrity, the chance to speak or appear in front of a large group doesn't really come up very often. I have been asked to read at weddings and give reports during class, and there is always a lot of stress involved.  Sweaty palms, stomach ache, all the regular symptoms come into play.  Before I get up in front of a group, there is quite a bit of self-dialogging going on.  Yes, I talk to myself a lot, but to get up in front of a group, there is usually a fair bit of arguing.  The "just do it!" side always wins, which is good, but I'm still scared the whole time I'm in front of a group.  
     Part of me must like a challenge, because a few of years ago I started teaching Religious Education to high schoolers.   High schoolers are another fear of mine, but we'll get to that another day.  The first time I had to stand in front of the high school students to "teach,"  I was scared to death.  There were freshmen, sophomores, and juniors there, and they all just stared at me with blank these stares.  So "why be scared, they don't even know you are there" was one side of my inner dialogue.  Another side was "they hate me, I can't do this."  As I got to know the individual students, it got a little better.  No, I didn't give up.  Now my freshmen are juniors and they kinda feel like friends.  I still get the blank stares when we are actually trying to go through a lesson, but I don't worry about it as much, I just try to keep it interesting.  I also do not stand behind a podium like I did on the first class. I sit in a chair at their level.  I decided on the chair after a few classes full of blank stares.  They didn't know or care that I was scared to death of them.  I had my papers on the podium, all ready to start being ignored again, when I decided that I wasn't going to use the podium anymore.  I slid the podium out of the way, grabbed my papers and sat down in a chair between two students.  One of the students asked what I was doing, and I said "I can probably be ignored just as well from down here, don't you think?"  Yes, I was having a bad day, but I am much more comfortable teaching now and some of them actually listen.  I don't think I've conquered my fear of public speaking, and I'm not sure that is even possible.  I have decided to take each event as it's own entity and find a way to make it work.  Whether it takes arguing with myself or changing the dynamics of the situation, I'm learning.